ear it, Please!
At the French film festival on the Cte d’Azur, which ends this weekend, it has long been popular for giving comedic and undeserved standing ovations to anything that could possibly be called a film. Next year Claudes and Claudettes will be on their feet to a dancing toad on TikTok (More worthy than Lars Von Trier, honestly.)
Trade publications time these performance participation awards like they are Olympic runners. “‘Elvis’ Stuns Cannes With 12-Minute Standing Ovation,” wrote Variety of this week’s Baz Luhrmann premiere. “David Cronenberg’s ‘Crimes of the Future’ Nabs Six-Minute Standing Ovation,” blurred the new film’s deadline.
C’est amusant, After all, we are told that the French are the epitome of better taste. Their Michelin guide tells us where to spend $400 on sous vide celery. Parisian fashion houses such as Yves Saint Laurent and Dior are world leaders in their fields. There is a charge of $30 on bottles of sparkling wine with the word Champagne.
So insert “The Paperboy,” starring Nicole Kidman in 2012, which The Post called “an embarrassing trash of celluloid,” received a 16-minute standing ovation from France’s cinema elite? “The Beaver,” with Mel Gibson and a 62% score on Rotten Tomatoes, a 10-minute love-fest from a year ago? Gaspar Noe’s “Love”, in which the grand finale of a sex act is shot in 3D, also received a strong 10 Minutes approval in 2015. Bad eventual Best Picture winner “Parasite” only got eight minutes.
Displays like the Lemming have nothing to do with quality and everything to do with the French’s love for wasted energy. At Friday’s French Open, the crowd “rippled” for several minutes as prepared players waited and laughed at them.
Despite 720 seconds of “Elvis” clapping, reviews were mixed. Many critics say the first half is stronger than the second, and that Tom Hanks’ tone and King’s cynical manager mannerisms triumph. The Times of London gave Cronenberg’s film about a limb-harvesting performance artist, starring Kristen Stewart, a star.
It has no equivalent in North America. Not every premiere gets a Standing-O at Sundance. It’s hard to jump on your feet in snow boots and a park. The Toronto International Film Festival, New York Film Festival and Telluride also deserve no praise. At Cannes, crummy movies are often greeted by tuxedo and stiletto industry types for the privilege of walking the red carpet with Uma Thurman.
In New York, we have the closest Broadway standing ovation to these empty exaggerations, when the worst show ever in your life comes to an end, and 1,500 maniacs leap to their feet and wave their arms like Susan Somers is on stage giving spandex instructions. They are equally unbearable, but at least don’t fool anyone.
take it There will be a world where we reacted to art by how cool it is – rather than the air capacity of our lungs. But with Cannes it’s wishful thinking. They stood in for the mad Lars von Trier’s “House That Jack Built,” a widely hateful 2018 film that features women and children mutilated. As the audience beat their baguettes together, Variety editor Ramin Setodeh Heard a shocked movie watcher Say, “They’ll clap for anything.”