Bo Seo is a double world debate champion for Australia and Harvard University. In school I was the kind of person who liked to please others, and Recognize the difficulties in winning any arguments when this happens,
Seo wrote the book “Good Arguments” in which he broke down How have their experiences of debate influenced the formation of social relationships? Beyond the Academic World.
In a recent episode of the podcast “The Next Big Idea” SEOs discussed how one person has a tendency to be like everyone else. You Can Overcome This Attitude and Learn to Win ArgumentsIn just three steps:
to be aware of something wrong
SEO clarifies that it is not that the desire to be liked is inherently bad, but the fact that others think so This implies that the person begins to neglect both his attitude and his feelings., For example, when he left South Korea to go to Australia, he did not speak English and was hardly any other Asian child. Therefore, he adapted himself “by becoming very sociable”.
However, that changed when a teacher in the fifth grade introduced him to the world of debate. Suddenly, he could speak with the guarantee that no one would interrupt him. Thus, SEO believes that the first step is feeling that being too complacent can harm oneself: Do you feel that you are not giving your honest opinion? Are you purposely dodging confrontation?
If yes, then these properties Maybe they’re burying their attitude, SEO says that this is the time when we should think about changing these trends. “How does it feel to please that person? You find yourself keeping your mouth shut, and it makes you at odds with yourself.”
a new way to approach it
The expert says that for many people, arguing is “fundamentally a destructive activity” where one focuses only on finding and demoralizing the opponent’s weak points.
But Seo says this is a misconception, that judges in competitive debates often look for reasons to pick a candidate, not go against him. It helps those who enjoy reframing their perspective: arguing is not going against someone, but to express my point of view,
Thus, experts say that a “good discussion” is one in which “both parties end with the idea that they will do it again.”
a strong but well thought out argument
For some people, it can be difficult to present a clear and unambiguous point of view without offending the other person. This is the first SEO tip: describe the process by which this argument is made. if you get that the second looks at the origins of the argumentsso it will be more likely to understand and agree,
The second is closely related to the previous one: understanding the opponent’s process. For happy people who are constantly catering to the needs of others, this step will probably be easier. For SEO, there is a part of convincing others Anticipate questions or reasons to be raisedWith all have effective responses,
“The great step is to recognize in an argument that it is not only an expression of your thoughts. There is an art in it, which means, in the end, Be attentive to issues the opposing team may have,