Open your Google Calendar. The great NFL schedule is coming to the fore.
Specific dates, prime-time honors and road-trip plans are being leaked from television partners this week, leading to the unveiling of the full schedule on Thursday at 5 p.m.
NFL Schedule Now A Week Matter? Absolutely, and why not? The NFL Draft isn’t the only fictional animal worthy of our “fantasy” football conjectures.
The schedule actually provides a more immediate impact on the coming season than any sixth-round offensive lineman in the draft. So taste the scads.
Who’s in for Vegas? Who has their passport ready for Mexico? Who is hosting Christmas? The rants will flow, and you can immediately be in the morning how the NFL ruined the season ahead of its early September kickoff.
We already learned last week that the Cardinals are hosting the 49ers in Mexico City on November 21. Did you know: The 49ers can still visit Arizona’s State Farm Stadium, the site of Super Bowl LVII, on February 12 this season?
Come 5 p.m. Thursday in the midst of our Bay Area commute, we’ll explore the 49ers’ roadmap to their elusive sixth Lombardi trophy. What could it look like? Here is my mock schedule:
Week 1: At the Carolina Panthers
Sunday, September 11: The 49ers’ last two playoff seasons open with back-to-back road wins (in 2019 and ’21). The first leg of this East Coast swing has to be Carolina, as Elton John is booked there for Week 2. (Alternative dream: The open at home against Tampa Bay and the quarterback they pulled out of a retirement home.)
Week 2: Atlanta Falcons . in
Sunday, September 18: The Mercedes-Benz Superdome is one of two new venues the Niners have checked off their list this season; Vegas’ is the second. Carolina and Atlanta are the 49ers’ furthest spots on the 2022 itinerary, so they’ll stay in the east, probably at IMG Academy in Florida (see: 2019) or the Greenbrier in West Virginia (see: 2020 and ’21).
Week 3: vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Sunday Night, September 25: Patrick Mahomes and his Super Bowl LIV ring make for a spicy home opener in prime time. At least Mahomes won’t have Tyrek Hill to target another third and -15, jet-chip-wasp piles.
— Cam Inman (@CamInman) 9 May 2022
Week 4: Seahawks vs. Seattle
Sunday, October 2: For the first time since 2011, the 49ers will not face Seattle with Russell Wilson; He went 17-5 against them. Caution: Wilson now further reduces the 49ers’ schedule with the Denver Broncos.
Week 5: Los Angeles at Ramso
Thursday night, October 6: Levi’s Stadium for Sir Elton is booked this weekend, so the 49ers return to Los Angeles for their NFC Championship Game revenge tour. Reminder: The 49ers won six straight regular-season matchups (before the fall of the NFC title-game).
Week 6: Vs. Washington Commanders
Sunday, October 16: New name for the Washington franchise (again), new quarterback (again) in need of a new owner.
Week 7: vs. Arizona Cardinals
Sunday, October 23: If Kyler Murray has not received his contract extension by this time, the Cardinals may examine his market before the trade deadline. 49ers’ advice: “It can be difficult with quarterbacks, especially when they need surgery.”
Week 8: In the Chicago Bears
Sunday Night, October 30: The NFL likes to structure its Halloween schedule by keeping the 49ers at Soldier Field, and this will be their fourth visit on Halloween weekend since 2004. Nightmare Scenario (For World Peace): The 49ers at the Las Vegas Raiders .
Week 9: Vs. New Orleans Saints
Sunday, November 6: Assume that the grounds of Levi’s Stadium become mysteriously unplayable, forcing the game to move to New Orleans. (Look, this is my dream show, not yours. Not like you’d pay to see Dennis Allen and Jameis Winston. These are not Sean Peyton/Drew Breeze saints.)
Week 10: Denver Broncos. in
Sunday, November 13: The 49ers will laugh for their next game at Mexico City’s Estadio Azteca (elevation: 7,200 feet) chasing Russell Wilson in the mile-high air of Denver. Pro tip: 49ers should follow up on this Broncos game by practicing in Colorado Springs to further improve their lungs.
Week 11: At the Arizona Cardinals
Monday, November 21: The NFL’s return to Mexico City is undercard on a major event the following morning: Mexico begins their World Cup game against Poland in Qatar (10 a.m. CT). Nevertheless, Alex Smith and the 49ers scored 103,467 in their 2005 loss to the Cardinals at the Estadio Azteca.
Week 12: Goodbye
November 24-28: Rest, get well, clear customs.
Week 13: Seattle Seahawks
Sunday, December 4: The 49ers are 5-16 at Seattle’s three-time designated stadium (now Lumen Field).
Week 14: vs. Los Angeles Chargers
Sunday night, December 11: The Bosa brothers meet in prime time. Actually, they have met. Now Nick Bosa will try to meet Justin Herbert of the Chargers and Joey Bossa will look for the 49ers’ Trey Lance.
Week 15: Vs. Tampa Bay Buxos
Sunday, December 19: A week before Christmas, Tom Brady comes home, down to his San Mateo roots. By this point, Brady will be considered the 49ers’ quarterback in 2023 for their true, farewell tour.
Week 16: In the Las Vegas Raiders
Sunday, December 25: Imagine waking up on Christmas morning, looking for tickets in your stockings and flying to Vegas for the 49ers’ maiden voyage. Now imagine the chaos created by fans of these former Bay Area neighbors. Cue Chorus: “Peace be upon the earth.”
Week 17: Vs. Miami Dolphins
Sunday, January 1: Raheem Mostart, who left the 49ers in free agency for the Dolphins, teased this New Year’s Day matchup on Instagram, where the content of all 49ers this offseason is made ( See: Samuel, Deebo).
Week 18: Ramso vs. Los Angeles
Sunday, January 8: The 49ers want this matchup for the faithful home opener. The NFL, however, prefers to pitch these rivals at the end of the season. Me too.