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Monday, November 28, 2022

Like Kermit the Frog says, it ain’t easy being green

Like Kermit the Frog says, it ain't easy being green

The warning sign on the new Monster Dumpster says: “Stay Away! Do not climb into, or occupy this container for any purpose.”

Now let’s see… for what purpose do I want to do any of these things? Maybe in the 70s because they were definitely a wild ride – but now I’m in my 70s. Quite different story.

In all my deranged dreams and fantasies, I can’t even imagine what it would take for me to ride or climb one of those monstrous giant new dumpsters. Being 4 foot 10 inches (yes! I’m shrinking!) and the dumpster being 4 foot 5 inches, I’ll still need a ladder.

And when I look around the village, I see a lot of other little munchkins like myself… or you can call yourself small if you want…

And as far as occupying the dumpster, I love my cottage and everything about it. The moment I went to the village and found out that our houses were called jagirs, that was enough for me. I immediately drowned in the bubble that said, “Hey! You live in the Cotswolds of England and you have your own Jeeves-type butler.”

I like to live my little British fantasy. So no, I don’t want to take over the dumper. And can you imagine how much mail I will be sent to Occupant?

I know that it will be difficult for rural powers – that is, to deal with the challenges brought by the changing world today. And yes, I believe we should try to redeem ourselves from basically ruining our planet. So, the new dumpster and compost bins would seem like a step in the right direction.

Yes, and about composting. Seems like a good idea. But can we start with the next generation, please, oh please. I am very diligent in separating recyclable items and placing them in a blue dumpster.

But the complexities of segregating other waste to go to the composting bin send my mind into a tailspin.

Well, good luck, Village Management. It’s easy to see what a puzzle this whole thing could be to you. And I wish you the best.

But for me, it’s all too much for my little pea mind to handle. Maybe others feel the same way. Maybe Saddleback College should offer emeritus classes in composting and monster dumpsters for seniors.

Diane Durre is a resident of Laguna Woods village. Email him at [email protected]

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